This fucking horse

This whole thing has been incredibly difficult lately.  I ate a lot of shit on the camping trip.  The day after we got home, I got right back on the horse and started eating the correct way again.  I haven't slipped up and I was able to just pick it up again after those two days. 

But, guys?  It's so hard sometimes.

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I know I may have mentioned it before, but I really love food.  I always said that I live to eat.  I don't eat to live. 

It's a shitty thing and it's really not healthy in any way, but it is what it is and food is delicious and fuck you to anyone who can only eat lettuce and be satisfied with nary a piece of cheese or cake.  That's just crazy talk!

But, yeah.  Why does food have to taste so good?

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Food I miss the most OR things I CAN eat, but choose not to because I cannot be trusted to eat just a small serving:

• Pasta of any kind.
• Mac and cheese.
• Italian bread, rolls, baguettes, bagels, fucking regular hot dog buns.
• French fries.
• Cookies and cupcakes and moist cake with icing.
• Cereal with milk.
• Chocolate milk.
• ORANGE JUICE.
• Bananas.
• Baked potatoes.
• Raindrops on roses.

So much more.

I KNOW some of you are thinking, "Why Adrienne, some of those are perfectly healthy choices!  Why would you prevent yourself from having them, you silly girl??"

Those of you thinking that most likely lead normal lives with a healthy view of food and no chronic illnesses.

Diabetes sucks so badly.  It will take normal, everyday things like FUCKING CEREAL and ruin your life forever.  Diabetes doesn't care what you like or who you are or what day it is.  And every diabetic is different, so fuck you about the bananas, because there are ten million other diabetics that CAN eat them with no blood sugar spike and sucks to be you!

But that is for another post.

***

This post is to bitch and moan and cry.

Anyone that tells you all they do is eat right and exercise and GUYS, IT'S SO EASY is either lying, or out of their ever-loving mind.


I cry a lot sometimes.  I cry because I feel guilty for letting myself get to this point.  I cry because I see people at restaurants or in supermarkets getting whatever they want to eat and not having to calculate every carb gram and amount of exercise that will help get rid of those carbs, and how much water you need to drink to help that, and what time of day it is, and when did I take my last dose, and will I be able to get enough movement in tomorrow to keep my numbers down?

And so much.  I cannot imagine just buying anything I want without thinking once about the effect it will have on my blood sugar numbers.

And yet, it's what I have to do.  And I will always have to do it.  And sometimes I need to just stfu and stop my whining and ride that fucking horse to the finish line.

*** 


But, guys?

It's so hard. :(